Medical researchers at the prestigious Edinburgh University have made a breakthrough in the fight against overly attractive people after discovering that simultaneously applying popular deodorants Lynx and Impulse renders the wearer completely unattractive to both sexes – thus creating what scientists term a sexual null point.
According to lead researcher Professor Soren Lorensen, his team were surprised at how this simple solution worked. ‘The Lynx effect is an long-established phenomenon that drives women mad with desire, whilst it is well know that men can’t help acting on Impulse. Bringing such two efficacious compounds together should have created a formidable aphrodisiac, but in fact it’s exactly the opposite – the two deodorants actually cancel each other out, forming a pheromonal vacuum.’
Sorensen recently revealed his motivation in the quest for unattractiveness: ‘being a tall, blonde Scandinavian who works out regularly is a major hindrance when it comes to the serious world of medical science – have you ever tried searching for a cure for cancer when all your assistants keep swooning at you? This new discovery is the holy grail for attractive scientists such as myself – I can now get on with my important work without having to fend off awkward misunderstandings from Barry in genetics.’