BBC officials announced today that they will no longer be showing Match of the Day in its current format and will replace the show with EA Sports’ award-winning FIFA2012 game. The move comes after researchers from the BBC Archive Unit analysed 20 years of MOTD commentary and realised nobody would be any the wiser.
“We have identified around 200 standard phrases that comprised 98% of the programme’s dialogue and have realised that two schoolboys on a PS3 can be viable replacements for Lineker, Hansen and all those other ex-footballing spongers,” said a BBC executive, “The game’s enhanced commentary lets the viewers know the players’ names, and so long as the lads get plenty of Red Bull and Doritos, they won’t need paying.”
The executive continued: “Fans can relax. I’ve seen the pilot show and not much has changed. They still have the theme tune that we all love and the football seems real enough except that the players don’t spit as much. There’s even a racial abuse filter. We realised the scheme was possible when people didn’t notice that we’d digitised David Attenborough fifteen years ago.”