Formula One has announced that next season, cars will be able choose which garage performs their pit stops for them. The news follows a successful trial at this year’s British Grand Prix when Mercedes used the Ferrari garage, Renault used the Williams mechanics and Timo Glock’s Virgin popped down to Kwik Fit in Towcester.
‘Can’t get better than a Kwik Fit fitter?’ complained Glock. ‘Bunch of fat slobs who just shrugged, said the parts would be in on Tuesday and went out for a fag. I had to put on a new set of super softs myself. I felt more sorry for Frank Williams though. He was left in his wheelchair up on one of the ramps throughout their three-hour lunch break.’
Meanwhile, Sebastian Vettel pulled into the McLaren garage having found a great limited term offer on comparethepitstop.com, only to find the mechanics holding square wheels and grinning, and Jenson Button tried out a local independent garage for his tyre change only to told that he also needed new brake discs and pads plus a new clutch for £860, or a ‘bit less for cash’. Lewis Hamilton could not be reached for comment as he was too busy shunting Felipe Massa and pretending it was an accident.
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