In a last-gasp bid to fund the NHS, the Prime Minister today announced that the nation’s most-loved institution is to be auctioned off to the highest bidder on eBay.
‘We have done everything imaginable to secure funds for the National Health Service,’ he told a press conference. ‘We’ve sold patient records to private health care companies, and we’ve even taken kidneys from the dead and sold them to Ginsters. This would be a great opportunity for anyone interested in business, health care or screwing up something big without having to become a politician.’
Interest from early bidders includes entrepreneur Richard Branson. ‘If successful a major re-branding exercise will take place,’ said a source close to Branson. ‘Virgin A&E, Virgin Outpatients, and Virgin Surgery are just some of the changes to be expected, but the maternity wards will be the first to change to ‘Virgin? My Arse’.