Archbishop of Canterbury asks nation: ‘What would Jesus loot?’
The Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams has addressed the nation’s outrage over the summer riots by suggesting that before people leap to condemn the rioters, they should ask themselves, ‘What would Jesus loot?’
‘We live in a culture where too much emphasis is put on expensive clothes and high-profile brands,’ said Dr Williams, wearing hand-embroidered silk robes and a gold mitre, and addressing his audience from the pulpit of the Church of England’s flagship outlet. ‘It’s all very cynical, and with advertising playing on their fears, it’s no wonder vulnerable people end up following the crowd. Trust me, I know just how easy it is to be sucked into believing cynical claims that couldn’t possibly be true.’
The archbishop went on to warn that if the underlying excuses for smashing up shops and stealing things aren’t dealt with, the disorder could be repeated. ‘Ask yourself, ‘what would Jesus do?’. You’ll be surprised just how often he would have unthinkingly backed you up, perhaps even helped you carry a 32-inch plasma screen TV back to your flat. That’s the beauty of taking advice from imaginary friends – they always give you the answer you’re looking for.’
‘Think of it this way,’ he continued. ‘We don’t condemn Jesus for upsetting the tables of the money lenders at the temple, but is that really any different to turning over a JD Sports in Brixton? You cannot ask criminals who got caught up in the moment to take responsibility for their actions. After all, you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs, just like you can’t feed 5,000 without first smashing in the front of a McDonalds.’
But Dr Williams was quick to avoid any suggestion of hypocrisy and suggested that the Bible had all the answers. ‘When faced with temptation, just ask yourself whether Jesus would he have accepted goods gained immorally. I’ve thought about it and persuaded myself that’s exactly what Jesus would do, especially if he really fancied a pair of trendy new sandals. Hey, not even Jesus got through life without a criminal record.’
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Posted: Dec 7th, 2011 by waylandsmithy
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