Road tests of Volvo’s new intelligent car have been suspended as the vehicle is currently refusing to leave its garage.
‘The car has many safety features to avoid road accidents,’ explained a technician, ‘but the result of this technology is that any idiot can get in the vehicle, ignore all sensible road behaviour and still get to their destination without a care for other road users. Much like any other Volvo driver. The only difference now is that the car is intelligent enough to worry about its driver, and naturally it’s terrified.’
The car has refused to leave its garage, citing ‘idiots in Citroen Saxo’s and a mad man in an Audi that tried to hump me from behind’. Despite the setback, technicians are taking this reaction as a sign of intelligence, along with its tendency to claim it knows where it’s going but then blame the Satnav when it gets lost.