A spokesman for the Highways Agency has today confirmed that their current strategy is to have cones, a 50mph speed limit, and average speed cameras on 90% of the UK’s motorways by mid-2013.
‘We’ve got some routes pretty much covered already on the M1 and M25.’ claimed Jon Morrow, from the department for pissing off motorists by taking sodding ages to get anything done, ‘For example, if you live in the Midlands and want to go to France, you can’t go over 50mph for more than about three miles of the journey down to Dover for your ferry crossing. People setting off a bit later than they meant to is earning us a fortune in speeding fines.’
‘I don’t actually drive myself, but I’m sure these plans will be popular.’ continued Morrow, ‘We were initially going to leave the cones out near Nottingham on the M1 for 10 years, but people started getting suspicious so we had to move them and claim we’d finished the work. We left the cameras there though, for ‘safety reasons’. And the cones will be back soon, when we start the ‘essential road re-calibrating project’, which we expect to take about eight years, with no obvious work happening at any time day or night.’