The reason behind North Korea’s legendary paranoia was revealed as Kim Jong-Il died this week and Christmas across the world had to be cancelled at short notice. ‘Father Christmas is dead, we are nothing and our labours in his many toy factories have been pointless.’ Wept Kim News-Reader as she spoke to the nation.
‘Most nations think of us as an evil people whom wish to enslave our southern brothers, but in reality we are a happy and joy filled people, who just wish to make toys in peace. That entire problem earlier in the year about nuclear missile testing was in truth just the trial runs of his new sleigh.’ explained Kim Head-Elf. ‘The extreme secrecy has been required to protect our society from being bombarded by millions of annoying little snotty kids who do nothing useful all year then demand expensive toys for being nice. As it is, the drain on our society in supplying these needy little shits with electronic gadgets has destroyed our economy to the point that we rely on food aid to survive.’
The successor to Kim Jung-il’s position as Supreme Santa, will be given to the survivor of the traditional Sherry and Mince Pie eat off. The current favourite to win is Kim Jung-un who’s extra chin and fat belly mark him out as a man whom has been in training to succeed his father.