Tony Blair has landed a prestigious speaking engagement in North Korea, where he’s been asked to warm up the crowd at the funeral of Kim Jong il.
North Korean officials were apparently impressed by Youtube footage of Blair’s performance. When they saw him biting his lips and choking back imaginary emotions at Princess Diana’s funeral, where he gave an astonishing impression as someone who cared deeply about unelected rulers and their subjects, they made up their minds. “This is the fawning courtier we need,” said one official.
North Korea, which is relatively modern and progressive compared to Britain, has struggled to produce anyone of Blair’s calibre for some time. So the administrators decided to take the unusual step of importing a man who embodies the ideals of a divided society. Under Tony Blair, the gap between Britain’s rich and poor became wider than ever and social mobility disappeared.