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Scots’ Justice Secretary to release Pandas on compassionate grounds

Two pandas recently incarcerated in an Edinburgh zoo are to be released on compassionate grounds after one of them was found to be suffering from terminal prostate cancer. The animals, destined to spend the rest of their lives behind bars after being found guilty of ‘looking really cute’ could be released as early as next week.

The cancer is known to be particularly prevalent amongst the panda community, especially when kept in captivity. ‘The male panda has very little interest in sexual foreplay, is rarely aroused by the female of the species, has a very short penis and spends 10-12 hours a day foraging for food, which should make them feel quite at home here in Edinburgh,’ said zoologists.

However, it is not all good news for the cuddly twosome after US Senators demanded their extradition to the United States to stand trial for the part they played in bringing down the US economy.

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Posted: Dec 28th, 2011 by Gerontius Bonalatty

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