A government representative announced that they were ‘shocked and disappointed’ on the release of a comprehensive breakdown of Britain’s internet use, showing that chat room logins shot up in numbers as the country’s civil servants returned to the office after the holidays.
Figures showed that chat rooms lay almost dormant on the 27th December, but by 09:01 the next day the numbers had gone up by 520,000. Further breakdowns showed that 66% of internet users were on chat rooms, 23% were on bingo websites and the remaining 11% were Googling their own names, looking at a friend’s baby pictures or writing on spoof news websites.
One chat room user had started a thread entitled ‘Getting round the blocks for Facebook’ which had attracted contributions from administrators at MI5 and the stationery team at Number 10. When the elusive poster was asked about their job, they replied only with a short statement stating that they wished to remain anonymous ‘in case one of their managers was online too.’