Geoff Davis, a Berkshire based plumber, has complained to the slough Branch of B&Q after discovering that the five tubes of sealant he bought in November contained only breast grade silicone.
‘I’ve been fitting bathrooms for fifteen years and I’ve never seen anything like it,’ he said. ‘Normally it goes down nice and smooth, but after I’d spent ages applying it with all my know-how, this lot would immediately form up into pairs of big blobs, or norks as we call them in the trade. I thought I was buying industrial grade, but it’s tits in a tube – it’s bloody useless,’ he added.
His customer, Nancy Ellis, is furious. ‘I know it’s not Geoff’s fault but the fact is I’ve now got falsies all over my new bathroom – it’s disgusting on the one hand but on the other it’s making me feel a little insecure about myself.’
B&Q has promised that one of their more senior employees will be popping round later to have a really good look at Miss Ellis’s problematic norks.