Cameron and Clegg selected as British synchronised swimming team

both still struggling to keep their heads above water

With only seven months until the start of the Olympics, it was revealed at Scunthorpe baths today that David Cameron and Nick Clegg will represent Team GB in the synchronised swimming.

‘They have that innate affinity that marks out all the great synchronised swimming teams,’ said Steve Parry, BBC Sport’s swimming pundit. ‘It’s their shared sense of direction that’s most uncanny. When David suddenly lurches to the right, Nick instinctively follows – they are inseparable. In many ways they remind me of Torvill and Dean, but older, flabbier and with two Deans but no Torvill.’

As the two men proudly modelled their trunks for the press – a pleasant mid-blue with a yellow stripe up the bum crack – reporters predicted medal success for the pair.

‘Nick adds much to the pair’s chances of winning gold. He’s a born follower, and, after two years of hard training, can sync his own movements seamlessly to that of David. He’s a natural in the water, making barely any splash in anything he does. Conversely, the key to David’s leadership of the team is keeping his movements entirely predictable and never disappointing his loyal supporters.’

The British hopefuls will face serious opposition at the Games in the form of the EU’s Merkel and Sarkozy pairing. ‘That couple managed to quash all comers in their European outings so far. They certainly got the better of the British team before Christmas when the Clegg-Cameron team drifted hopelessly apart and David found himself embarrassingly alone in deep water.’

But the British pair remain hopeful. After performing their highly-praised Sorry-Mr-Mainwaring, Stupid-Boy routine for the cameras, Cameron and Clegg finished off with a carefully choreographed manouvre in which both pinched their noses and waggled their heads before sinking slowly without trace beneath the waves.


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Posted: Jan 10th, 2012 by

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