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Ken Loach to direct ‘Happy Feet 3: The Heroin Years’

After Prime Minister David Cameron urged the British film industry to support more commercially successful pictures, it has been revealed that Ken Loach is to direct the third installment of the popular series of animated children’s films, Happy Feet.

”Happy Feet 3:The Heroin Years’ promises a perfect marriage of mainstream popular appeal and Loach’s unique style of depressing social realism,’ said film critic Mark Kermode. ‘The opening scene features a down-on-his-luck Mumble injecting heroin into a flipper after a heated argument with his tap-dancing coach and love interest, played by bisexual actor Colin Firth. The kids are just going to lap up the combination of singing, dancing and intravenous injection of hard drugs.’

The film follows Mumble as his habit escalates, the quality of his tap-dancing suffers and he is dropped by Firth and shunned by the penguin community of inner-city Glasgow. His problems only worsen when his run-down tenement is invaded by his sexually mature sister, Lucy, who is desperately trying to hatch an egg she conceived to vicious Rockhopper penguin ‘Darren’. But the pair’s fortunes turn when Mumble discovers an unexpected talent for cutting smack with a mixture of Vim and demerara sugar, which vastly increases its street value.

‘The film contains a strong social conscience,’ continued Kermode. ‘When Mumble’s drug empire takes off we see him sending parcels full of Waitrose fishfingers back to his hungry pals in Antarctica – an unambiguous socialist message about not forgetting your antarctic roots, and our collective responsibility to ensure that even the disadvantaged get their weekly quota of omega-3 fatty acids.’

The film is not without a Loachian twist as we learn that Mumble’s dancing career is over after he injects dirty scag into his femoral artery, resulting in the forced amputation of his lower right flipper. ‘Mumble delivers a typically nuanced performance despite temperatures hovering around minus 30 degrees Celsius,’ added Kermode. ‘It’s looking good for a BAFTA.’

In anticipation of the success of ‘Happy Feet 3′, other forthcoming British films include Mike Leigh directing ‘Gnomeo and Juliet 2′, a kitchen-sink drama depicting the painful unravelling of a marriage, and ‘Kung Fu Panda 3′, in which the hero becomes imprisoned in a Scottish zoo and drinks himself to death.

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2012 by Gary Stanton

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