After seeing his suggestion of celebrating the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee by building a new royal yacht, at a cost to the taxpayer of £60m, rejected, Michael Gove has admitted that there is now ‘every chance’ that he’ll just get the Queen some flowers instead, ‘and maybe one of those big Toblerones’.
Attempting to find an imaginative and thoughtful gift for special occasions, while seriously lacking in imagination and thoughtfulness, is a problem familiar to men all over the country. Wanting to make a good impression Gove had started thinking about what he could get for the Queen some time ago, but was struggling for inspiration. After months of frustration he settled for the traditional male fallback option of spending a lot of money, and was quietly impressed with his plan not to use his own cash to pay for it.
‘What do you get for the woman that has everything? It’s certainly a tricky one, so I thought we could try something that would make a real impression.’ explained the Secretary of State for Education, ‘Who wouldn’t be impressed if they were handed the keys to a yacht as a present? Even the Queen would love that I’m sure. Do yachts have keys? I don’t know. You get the idea though…’