Uncivil libertarians were cock a hoop last night, after the British Academy of Film and Television Arts nominated The Artist, a silent movie, for an award. ‘At last, the powers that be have come to their senses,’ said Ken Young, writing in his mobile industry blog Mobileb2b.co.uk, ‘now perhaps they will lift their ridiculous ban on mobile phones. It’s political correctness gone mad.’
As with many internet-researched Hitler comparisons, Mobileb2b soon found similarities between the oppression of movie goers and victims of the Third Reich. ‘First they came for the Gameboys and I said nothing,’ wrote Young, in a moving editorial. ‘Next they came for the Nintendos and I said nothing, as I don’t play DX. But finally, they blocked my mobile. I looked around and there was no-one to speak for me. Well one bloke did, but this lady told him to shooosshh.’
Banning mobile phones is the thin end of the wedge as authorities attempt to purge Generation X Factor from cinemas, warned the mobile phone advocate and amateur historian.
‘They won’t just stop at stealing your mobile. Next, there’ll be a ban on slurping kiora. Gurgling ice will be a ‘health and safety’ issue. Then they’ll find an excuse to silence the sweet wrappers. You won’t be able to rummage around in your box of Maltesers, or listen to them rolling them down the aisle,’ he warned, ‘the sound of Maltesers slowing making their way down to the front takes me back to Streatham Odean in 1970. But now Britain seems intent on cutting all links with the past.’
Then Young painted a chilling picture of where Britain might be headed. ‘In some countries, people even eat pop corn with their mouths closed. If we’re not careful, that could happen here,’ he warned.
Young called on Steven Berkof, Mark Kermode, Barry Norman, Shane Meadows, Michael Kennedy (of Kingston University film school), Sir Anthony Hopkins, Kate Gielgud and a well known left wing actor, whose name he couldn’t remember, who always seems to play British baddies in Hollywood blockbusters, to lend their weight to his campaign.
If you are the type of person who might like a silent film, you should be signing this petition for freedom of speech in picture houses, he argued. Young said he will fight he campaign 24X7 and would be delighted to take a call, even from someone like Sir Alan Parker. ‘They can contact me any time. I’m going to be at the BAFTAs and my mobile will be switched on at all times.’