Clowns across the country are demanding a pay rise of up to 15%, to allow them some dignity as they continue to haunt the nightmares of the nation’s youths forever.
‘Few people consider what it’s like to be in our shoes,’ admitted Pepe, 32. ‘Clown wages are beyond a joke. We don’t get paid for the time we spend stalking children through their dreams. Out-of-hours visitations are classed as voluntary work, but this isn’t a charity. We need to put custard pies on the table.’
The Prime Minister has so far refused to buckle to a pay increase, although privately he’s known to favour improvements to clowns’ working conditions. In a private meeting with Nick Clegg last week, it’s thought that Cameron admitted, ‘if I don’t do this, Pagliacci will kill me in my sleep.’