Scientists at CERN have issued a warning of a possible black hole when Brian Cox returns to the site to resume his ’day job’.
‘We’ve noticed a dramatic increase in the matters of Professor Cox’ explained project leader Lyn Evans. ‘His fans feed his ego at an astonishing rate. But if that suddenly stops because he’s doing real science in a lab instead of telly science in the moonlight, there’s a chance of him imploding like a dying star.’
Evans hopes to prevent a singularity by firing mild compliments into the professor at regular intervals. ‘A small number of niceties should be all it takes to prevent an implosion. We’re all keen to avoid getting sucked in by Brian again.’
News of the experiment created a surge in attention to the dishy telescope fan, causing him to swell enough to support his own gravitational field. ‘It was a bit like when Newton discovered gravity after an apple hit him on the head. Except Brian’s apple started out on the floor.’