Receptionist and Peter Paperclip PLC’s ‘Employee Of The Month’ for January Sarah Hannigan, has publicly announced her decision to turn down the cash bonus that comes with the coveted accolade. She was due to pocket a pre-tax windfall of £50 following her EOTM award.
‘I didn’t have to think about it to much’ Miss Hannigan told reporters. ‘Like everyone else, we are going through tough times at the moment, and although I achieved this bonus primarily for getting my manager his coffee within two minutes of him entering the building in the morning, I can’t hide from the fact that I missed my ‘average call answer time’ target. Taking this bonus, on top of my generous minimum wage salary would be immoral and unfair.
Her decision comes just one week after December’s Employee Of The Month found himself being ‘stripped of his title’. Greg Badlose had his prestigious title taken off him after admitting bringing the paperclip industry into disrepute by stealing three pads of post-it notes and having an unreasonable amount of stapler use.
David Cameron was quick to comment on the news. In an interview with trade magazine ‘Fast Moving Stationary’ the PM said he ‘always knew that those in the paperclip industry were jolly good people. In fact, their products are the only thing holding my policies together.’