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New Banksy artwork found painted onto David Beckham’s bum

GoldenballsArt experts are said to be ‘hugely excited’ after new adverts for clothing chain H&M revealed a new work by the reclusive artist Banksy, sprayed onto David Beckham’s arse.

The adverts, intended to save H&M from administration by selling more pants, were spotted by an eagle-eyed member of the public who immediately alerted his local university art department. Further scrutiny suggested that a tiny CCTV camera poking out over the waistband of Beckham’s tight black boxers was not, as initially suspected, planted by journalists from News International, but was in fact spraypainted on during the night by Banksy in a withering critique of celebrity underwear endorsements.

Beckham himself was said to be ‘surprised’ by the news. ‘I got no idea when it happened,’ the multimillionaire ball-monger and professional clothes-horse told reporters. ‘I got drawings all over me, Jesus here and something in Sanskrit down there, and we even got the names of the kids written on me never-you-fuckin-mind just so Victoria can check how to spell ‘em, so I wouldn’t notice another one popping up somewhere. Have you seen me wiv just me kecks on? Oh yeah, you probably have actually.’

‘This is a tremendous discovery,’ said Evening Standard art critic Brian Sewell. ‘Whereas previously one had absolutely minimal interest in Mr Beckham’s arse, suddenly one feels the stirrings of intense appreciation for the sculpted canvas on which the so-called Banksy has so deftly discharged the juice of his artistry. I will give the matter immediate further scrutiny online.’

The discovery is set to increase H&M’s profits substantially during the next quarter, and the firm has already announced plans to cash in on the accidental stunt by paying for a NASA satellite to project massive images of its summer range of crop tops and swimwear onto the surface of Ann Widdecombe.

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Posted: Feb 14th, 2012 by The Paper Ostrich

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