There were scenes of chaos in the Houses of Parliament today as the bankers bonuses bandwagon finally collapsed under the weight of political outrage. The emergency services are still searching for survivors amongst the rubble with the fear that the smallest spark could set off an explosion of flatulent opinion.
Firemen had just calmed down a raging, ‘It’s outrageous that the average junior assistant branch teller now gets a bonus of £2.3 million, that’s more than I can get for asking the PM a question.’ with hoses when they were forced to back away from an unexploded ‘I only wanted a loan for the bloody duck house’. Conditions in the house are said to be running from confused to childish, so it sounds like Nick Clegg is leading the rescue effort.
Bankers claim that the collapse is all the fault of the MPs and released the following statement. ’Normally we would throw Parliament a few bundles of used tenners to help prop their bandwagons up, but this year we have had to pretend not to be massively overpaid so the financial support they required was not forthcoming. Like the effect that withdrawing our support has had on many SME’s, there has been a total collapse, but hey, shit happens, just get over it and give us some more money.’
This collapse has made MPs demand for a full review into bandwagon safety and dozens of them started constructing foundations of shaky opinions and irrelevant statistics immediately. Penny Mordaunt (Con) explained, ’Most bandwagons tend to only collect MPs from one side of the house or the other so cannot grow too large before the natural lean to left or right makes them go round in circles and fall over. This bandwagon has had everyone adding to it in an out of control manner for over 3 years now. We thought it could take the strain but Eric Pickles climbed on board.’