It is believed the pop-star turned fashion guru has tired of the fees charged by professional anorexics and their agents and has looked to cheaper sources of malnourished labour to combat the economic downturn. Tongues began to wag when guests noticed a larger number of flies than are normally present at a major fashion gathering. Moments later, a size-zero girl in a revealing number from Mrs Beckham’s Autumn/Winter 2012 collection slipped into a coma before performing her sexy end-of-the-catwalk turn.
Their worst fears were confirmed when a number of models mistook a vending machine in the foyer for a UN helicopter and began beating their fists against the glass. As the glass gave way, Floella Ndogo, 11, clambered on top of the machine and began handing out the few remaining Lion bars to her famished colleagues below in a scene which will surely prove embarrassing for the former Spice Girl.
Mrs Beckham – criticised in 2008 after her ‘Autumn in London’ exhibition failed to provide adequate toilet facilities to bulimics, resulting in a fractious two hundred yard queue and the resignation of six cleaners – immediately used her diamond encrusted i-Phone 4S to contact police as the impromptu picnic threatened to escalate into a full scale riot. Astonished punters looked on in horror as police fired off rounds of tear gas at the urchins, who were by then locked in a bloody brawl.
This morning BBC newsman, Michael Burke, in a moving commentary on the spectacle, said ‘Dawn breaks over Victoria Beckham’s Fifth Avenue fashion extravaganza and lights up a famine of biblical proportions. Only this time the victims are extraordinarily well-dressed. Will you look at the arse on that Jean Paul Gautier?’
Ms Ndogo, meanwhile, insisted that she is still a bit peckish, declaring ‘I’ll tell you what I want – what I really really want – I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna – I really really really really want a sandwich,’ whilst the fashion media declared the show ‘a triumph.’