Queen leads Windsor Uncut attack on Fortnum and Mason

Royal grocer Fortnum and Mason was yesterday hit by an occupation by the Windsor branch of UK Uncut.

‘Normal business was seriously interrupted by the Windsor Uncut occupation,’ said a spokeswoman for the 300-year-old luxury emporium. ‘Three women occupied the food hall before holding a tea party and inspecting cakes. It was hideous,’ she confirmed, ‘Ordinary shoppers simply didn’t know where to look.’

‘They were led by an old woman, who seemed to be the ring leader, wearing a sky blue coat and hat,’ said one distraught customer. ‘She was followed by a grey-haired woman dressed in a navy blue coat with eye-catching white horizontal stripes at the top. There was also a much younger woman wearing a big yellow daffodil on her coat. They all sat down in front of a display of tea and biscuits and didn’t look like they were ever going to move.’

UK Uncut later confirmed activists often wore clown outfits on demonstrations.

Police moved in when the trio attempted to cut up a Diamond Jubilee cake and began pouring boiling water into really expensive china tea cups.

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Posted: Mar 2nd, 2012 by

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