Costa coffee opens branch in man’s bedroom

now having glorious mornings

A man yesterday woke up from a night’s sleep to find that a fully operational Costa coffee shop had opened in his bedroom.

‘I’d begun noticing that everywhere I went there was a Costa,’ said James Hendred, the surprised new franchisee. ‘They are in every street in town, at the local Odeon, and yesterday, from the machine at the petrol station, I even managed to fill my car’s fuel tank with 20 litres of decaffeinated latte. So when they wanted customer feedback I asked rhetorically, ‘Why don’t you just build a café in my house?’ I didn’t think they’d take it seriously.’

Costa has since insisted that Mr Hendred’s suggestion constitutes a legally-binding agreement to host a Costa branch in his home. ‘We thought it was a great idea,’ said a company spokesman. ‘Not even Starbucks has ventured into the domestic market, but this gives us a chance to capture the just-woken-up, the can’t-get-to-sleep and the not-tonight-I’ve-got-a-headache markets. Like rats in London, it’s our ambition that you will never be more than five metres from a Costa coffee shop.’

However critics have rounded on Costa for the invasion of customers’ privacy by opening cafés in their front rooms and bathrooms. ‘It’s all entirely above board,’ continued the spokesman. ‘Our privacy policy was written by Google’s lawyers. You agreed to us opening a franchise in your bedroom when you brought that cappuccino in 2007.’

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2012 by

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