The world’s foremost literary and theatre critics say they have been forced into reconsidering the merit of William Shakespeare’s epic five-hour play Hamlet, following a scathing critique by an anonymous purchaser on Amazon.co.uk.
Kingofxbox lays into Shakespeare’s longest and most frequently-staged work in the books section of the online shopping site: ‘What is this sh*t? Dont get me wrong, I like theater (Cats, We will rock you, etc) but this just goes on and on until you dont care less what happens. To be or not to be? Couldnt give a flying one, mate!’
Mr Box continues: ‘With a nunnery scene and poisoning and stuff it could have been brilliant. But as olde englishee shakefpeare would say – Hamlettee fuckf aff.’
The posting has forced an instant reassessment of Hamlet by leading scholars and critics. ‘Shakespeare intended to write his plays for the common man, not just speccy ponces at universities,’ remarked reviewer Battlefield3fan (aka Jonathan Bate, Professor of Renaissance Literature, University of Warwick). ‘So why does Hamlet signally fail to connect with Kingofxbox? For this reason at least, it should be struck from the Shakespearean canon forthwith.’
Kenneth Brannagh, posting under the pseudonym Kasabianrocks1, went even further in his comment entered underneath. ‘Following this incisive broadside, we must surely question the very authorship of Hamlet. With his faux-naïve polemic, Kingofxbox has shaken the twin ivory towers of literary criticism and theatre. With it, the bloated edifice of Hamlet must surely come crashing down from its pedestal.’
This is not the first time that the anonymous reviewer has created a stir. His summation of A Midsummer Night’s Dream as ‘totally gay’ for including a character called Bottom has led to the Royal Shakespeare Company dropping their planned staging. Meanwhile the London Symphony Orchestra has concurred with his one-star review of Bach’s Brandenberg Concertos as ‘twiddly toss on toast.’ Their planned performances of the works have been replaced by a six-night run of Kingofxbox’s favourite work, Jeff Wayne’s War Of the Worlds.