In what one industry analyst has described as ‘a last desperate effort to yank humanity back from the edge of the abyss,’ Apple’s soon-to-be-announced iPad 3 will given the user electric shocks if they make obvious and stupid grammatical mistakes. The spell-check software will replace juxtapositions of the words ‘would’ and ‘of’ with the obviously grammatically correct ‘would have’, while administering several hundred volts into the fingers of the illiterate.
Voltages will increase for even more obvious grammatical mistakes and typing LOL, ROFL and over-use of the word ‘like’. Richard Bell, Professor of Linguistic Pedantry at Lincoln University said; ‘It’s about time these lazy twerps were given a short, sharp shock. Yes, that will learn them.’