Assisted suicide may be permitted during the run-up to the Olympics according to a leaked Home Office paper.
‘The Home Secretary understands that many people are already deeply depressed over the Olympic Games, and Lord Coe in particular, and wishes to assist with the ultimate exit strategy,’ the document says.
But other depressed groups have expressed outrage at the proposal, claiming that ‘Olympic depressives’ are getting special treatment.
Football hater Glady’s Turner,56,said that she’d endured decades of torment caused by all year round football. ‘No bugger helped me to top myself,’ she said. ‘They just kept putting the boot in by lengthening the season.’
‘She’s right,’ said Mr Turner, who is a keen supporter of some football team or other. ‘During many a World Cup Glady’s begged me to finish her off because she couldn’t take another penalty shoot-out. But I suppose I was selfishly afraid of missing a goal.
‘She just wants to hear the whistle for full-time,’ he said.