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Pope calls for glorious Cuban revolution

mugs readily availableThe Cubans have a new hero this morning who has given them a new direction, a new philosophy, and a new will to rise up against their political masters and proclaim their rights as individuals in a collective kind of way, as long as it’s OK with him.

At a secretly organised rally a subversive Popemobile stealthily trundled down the wide streets of Havana, as uniformed ‘Cardinals of the oppressed’ took mugs, clothing, smelly stuff and little silver men stuck on crosses symbolically attached to chains to the adoring, thronging crowd, and in return collected small donations which would sustain the struggle against oppression of the ‘Old man in a dress’ as he is known, or more simply by his revolutionary name ‘She’.

His uncompromising speeches have galvanised public opinion for the right to defy any government’s attempts to suppress ideological worship, or freedom to interfere with small boys, and anything at all to do with condoms, and students across the world are eagerly waiting to get their hands on a T-Shirt.

The mystic of the man many are also calling simply ‘the Pontiff’, ‘His Holiness’, or plain old ‘Popey’ has only been heightened by rumours of a journey of enlightenment undertaken by the ‘One in white robes’ in his early years on a motorbike through the wilderness, or it might have been a Panzer tank through the Black Forest and on into France, ‘But with so many disguises,’ rued Cuban President Raul Castro, ‘and so much mystery, sometimes I wonder if we or anyone else will ever track him down.’

But for now, despite the best efforts of the Cuban government, the eyes on the world are squarely on their treatment of the renegade also known only as ‘Benedict XVI’ and a crackdown will not be permitted until the euphoria settles down. ‘We can do nothing until the hundred thousand Cuban citizens who had turned up because they have no money and nothing else to do because we don’t have proper elections, had gone somewhere else to think about doing nothing with the money they do not have.’ President Castro assured reporters.

As the secret and illegal parades finally subsided it emerged that the ‘Saint in waiting’ had been spirited out of the country to seek support for his cause from revolutionary Republicans in Iowa and that gay farmers had stolen the Popemobile to use for glorious tractor parts.

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Posted: Mar 29th, 2012 by NewsBiscuit

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