Tanker drivers have called off their proposed strike amid fears any disruption they might cause would pale into insignificance alongside the chaos cabinet ministers have created with a few poorly chosen words.
‘We were all set to strike over pay, no, hold on, safety concerns wasn’t it? Yeah, safety concerns,’ said one tanker driver. ‘Anyway, then the PM advises people to go out and buy petrol they don’t need while Francis Maude recommends turning your garage into a massive fire hazard, and suddenly the country grinds to a halt while everybody has forgotten about us. So we might as well not bother now.’
Labour leader Ed Miliband was unwilling to comment on the cancellation of the strike while he was queuing to fill up his scooter, but did complain about the 20% increase on the price of his lukewarm ESSO sausage roll.