The Government has stepped up its plans to increase monitoring of people’s activities by unveiling plans to introduce into every home 24-hour surveillance telescreens that will beam out the massive face of David Cameron.
‘We were planning to monitor everyone’s phone calls, texts and emails but this system is so much simpler,’ said the all-seeing widescreen Prime Minister. ‘Telescreens are the best way for me to personally oversee the Big Society and to make sure that everyone is doing their bit.’
Under the scheme all homes will be fitted with a government-approved CCTV, or Cameron Controlled Television, a combined TV and security camera that will allow ‘Big Dave’ to keep a watchful eye on people’s behaviour at all times.
‘Every telescreen will be HD ready so people can enjoy my big fat face in all its glorious detail,’ said Cameron, ‘and very soon we hope to be rolling out the 3D version so that I can loom menacingly into your living room and tell you not to panic.’
Until recently the telescreens had been restricted to the homes of Inner and Outer party members, and were used primarily to keep an eye on Nick Clegg and make sure he was maintaining his Doublethink. This is the first time that the telescreens will be made available to the Proles, and the news has already been warmly welcomed with a celebratory ‘Two Minutes Hate’.
‘Yes, these new telescreens are fantastic,’ said one random member of the public, a Mr Winston Smith. ‘To know that Mr Cameron is watching over us at all times is very comforting. I feel so loved.’
Concerns expressed by civil liberties campaigners that the country was rapidly turning into a ‘Big Brother’ state were dismissed by newly-appointed Minister for Truth Mr O’Brien. ‘These people are adding two and two together and making four,’ he said, ‘when everyone knows that the real answer is five.’
‘People will soon get used to the telescreens,’ he assured citizens. ‘Let’s face it, most of the time they are on Facebook or Twitter telling everyone what they’re up to anyway, so I fail to see what all the fuss is about.’
The Prime Minister rejected claims that the plans were ‘Orwellian’. ‘I really don’t think that this can be said,’ he insisted, ‘especially since the term ‘Orwellian’ has now been reclassified as a thoughtcrime.’