Matthew Smith, from Orpington, has become the first ever person to stay on a web page after having been confronted with the ‘Leave Page/Stay on Page’ pop-up.
The solitary click marks a stunning victory for all intrusive and infuriating web-marketing techniques that you can’t possibly imagine serving any purpose other than to piss off the very person whose patronage they would appear so desperate to accrue.
‘Thank fuck for that message!’ said Smith. ‘I had no idea when I clicked on the big red ‘X’ that closes the window that I’d be leaving the page, contained within that window, that I didn’t want to be on. This is a real turn up for the books.’
‘Of course,’ he continued, ‘actually clicking on the big red ‘X’ took a while as the page kept jiggling around and moving, but even that was a really fun game; like trying to swat away a turd that’s being dangled in front of your face on a slinky.’
‘I’ll definitely be getting all my weird old tips for a flatter stomach in just six weeks from that page from now on.’ he added.