Lord Coe launches countdown to ‘50 days to go’ countdown
With London 2012′s ’100 days to go’ countdown firmly behind him, Lord Coe is keen to build on its success by launching a countdown to the ’50 days to go’ countdown. Coe has hand-picked a team of experts with experience in promoting events that everyone is already all-too-bloody-aware-of, and has promised that money ‘will be no object’ in making the campaign a success.
Standing next to a list of 49 different daily slogans and mascots, Coe insisted it was right to make school children learn each one by heart. ‘Bumzy is tomorrow’s mascot’, he declared. ‘He’s brought to you by the number 98, Heineken and a 2 for 1 offer on Anusol. It’s a perfect synergy for an event that is not only a pain in the bum, but will probably turn many people to drink.’
Nostalgia for the 100 days countdown is already growing, but could soon be replaced by fond memories for the 99 day countdown. That event featured 99 tortoises being pushed off a tower block to the sounds of Kajagoogoo. ‘We had planned to use turtle doves, but there was a mix-up at the pet shop’, admitted Coe. ‘Still, it was good practice for our clay pigeon-shooting hopefuls.’
Not since the ‘200 days to go’ countdown have so many people embraced the celebration of arbitrary numbers ending with 0. But it’s not just London that is enjoying slowly counting backwards to nothing: accountants are doing the same thing in councils right across the country. Coe has little time for such negative forecasts.
‘We’re sending a man out with a burning torch through all the backwaters of this great nation’, announced Coe, ‘but that’s not so much an invite to join in, but a threat.’ Already nine villages in the West Country have been razed to the ground for failing to cheer loudly enough, or look grateful as he went through their pockets.
Coe has denied stitching the children of Olympic Objectors inside mascot costumes, and tying them to 50 display fireworks in Hyde Park. ‘We’ll have a full enquiry into these allegations once the main event is out of the way’, suggested Coe. ‘But I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a bit more positivity from you proles from now on.’
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Posted: Apr 20th, 2012 by waylandsmithy
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