Economic outlook worsens as pop star Kelis suffers milkshake slump

There was more gloomy economic news today as the percentage of boys brought to the yard by American pop star Kelis’s exposed milkshake fell for the ninth consecutive year.

According to the US Treasury, just 37% of all boys were drawn to the yard by the singer’s milk-based beverages in 2011-12, compared to nearly 52% in 2010-11. At the height of her success in 2003 Kelis, whose real name is Kelis Rogers, famously attracted 100% of boys to the yard.

A spokeswoman for Rogers denied that the figures were as bad as all that. ‘We can assure boys that this decline has nothing at all to do with the quality of Kelis’s milkshake, which remains as delicious as ever,’ she said. ‘Instead it demonstrates the harsh economic environment in which all milkshake producers are operating.’

The spokeswoman conceded that fees for Kelis’s milkshake would probably have to rise again to cover the lost revenue. ‘We are very happy to teach you about this, but from April we will have to charge at least 60p, la la, la la laaa.’

Analysts say that the steep rise in fees is unlikely to deter consumers. ‘There are inevitably some concerns about milkshake quality,’ said one business observer. ‘But on the whole we’re all agreed that she’s damn right – it’s better than Tesco’s.’


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Posted: Apr 20th, 2012 by

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