A new study, by the Kinsey Institute, has confirmed that the vast majority of football referees do indeed ‘polish the whistle’ on a regular basis.
‘Even those in stable, happy marriages with healthy sex lives occasionally rub one out from time to time.’ confirmed Gabby Ulrich, a spokesperson for the Institute.
‘Indeed, our results suggest that anyone chanting ‘The referee’s a wanker!’ at any given match has a 99.6% chance of their assertion being factually correct.’ she added.
Conveniently, says Ulrich, the finding has also acted as supporting evidence to back up another claim, often made on terraces. ‘Yes, in part because of all the wanking, there is a high chance referee is ‘f*cking blind’ too.’