Just 35% of French voters are likely to support the continued union of the flagging politician and the glamorous supermodel and singer-songwriter, while almost 60% are said to prefer an early end to the favourable conditions which made the vertically-mismatched couple’s marriage even remotely plausible.
‘I’m not saying that she will definitely file for divorce the minute Nicolas’s tiny little feet patter out of the Elysée Palace,’ said Gerard Jugernaut for Tranche & Dissoudre, Bruni’s legal advisors. ‘But the glory of France does not require our former First Ladies to be particularly glamorous, and if you don’t get to lounge around inside the Elysée any more then what’s the benefit, vraiment?’
Bruni’s likely exit from the world stage has drawn sighs of relief from a number of other female political figures. Former British Prime Minister’s wife Sarah Brown tweeted ‘Three years too late, Carla, if you ask me #Skinnyclotheshorse’, while German Chancellor Angela Merkel has, unusually, urged French voters to ‘please consider a dumpier, frumpier alternative to Carla bloody Bruni’ in order to restore Merkel’s previous reputation as the foxiest woman in the room at European summits.
Bruni herself has revealed a little about her prospects as a political wife. ‘As my husband has started to say, five years is an awfully long time in politics,’ she told one reporter. ‘Even if other things are disappointingly short.’
Historians are currently seeking precedents where humiliations in the history of France have been overcome by the wisdom of short-arsed megalomaniacs with glamorous, amorous female partners, but are still struggling to come up with anything that even comes close.
The Paper Ostrich, with hat tip to Mandy Lifeboat for last line