There were scenes of jubilation at five venues around London today as schoolchildren and residents celebrated the news that their boroughs had been successful in their bids to be a host site for an Olympic surface-to-air missile launch-pad.
‘I am delighted that Tower Hamlets has been identified as a prime spot for shooting aircraft out of the sky,’ said council leader Iqbal Mammooz. ‘I’m hoping that the positioning of missiles in the borough will lead to further regeneration of the area and the creation of local jobs. We have a lot of unemployed young people round here with considerable experience of firing weapons. It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to see the potential they have for shooting down planes.’
Just a few miles away in Waltham Forest, councillor Neil Winters was equally excited by the news that they too would be hosting a missile, but was quick to dismiss the threat of plane debris showering his electorate. ‘Waltham Forest is proud to be an Olympic partner,’ he announced. ‘I hope I am able to stand here in August and say that we were the first borough in Olympic history to shoot down a hijacked commercial airliner. If that comes at the cost of losing a few voters from falling fuselage injuries, then that is a price I am prepared to pay.’
Meanwhile Dagenham and Redbridge council said that they were very disappointed to see their neighbours being armed in such a way while they were left defenceless. ‘It would be doing the council tax payers of the borough a disservice to allow an arms gap to open up between us and other boroughs,’ said a spokesman. ‘To ensure stability in the region we will therefore be stepping up our own missile testing program over the coming months.’