Recently deceased Martin Rackly, who took his own life by jumping in front of a train during rush hour, was informed today by his afterlife train company, First Catholic Connect, that he may experience lengthy delays on his journey to the Pearly Gates following reports of a real live man on the line. Ongoing engineering works also mean he may have to use a replacement hearse service.
Shortly after his death Mr Rackly was heard to remark to his fellow travellers that the delay was ‘bloody typical’, that the live man on the rail showed ‘no consideration’ and that he would be ‘haunting his arse’.
Mr Rackly has been reminded by his guide in the afterlife that it is well established that the deceased travel to heaven in a manner concomitant to the circumstances of their death. ‘I told him a man who dies in his sleep will wake up in heaven, a man who slips off a roof will fall into heaven, and anyone who dies under a train will have a bloody long wait to get anywhere whatsoever.’