Underwear of Swedish women ‘poses greatest airline security threat’

'boring job, but someone has to do it'

A top security expert has warned that Swedish women pose the greatest threat to airline safety following the discovery of a more sophisticated underwear bomb.

‘I have very specific and creditable intelligence to suggest that Al-Qaeda have recruited blonde Swedish women to carry these bombs on board in their undergarments. Sadly metal detectors are not able to detect the type of explosive being used so it is down to people like me to perform manual checks.’ he says. ‘For this reason, and this reason alone, I am suggesting that we inspect their underwear very thoroughly.’

Recently divorced Phil, who’s office overlooks Heathrow’s security check area via one way glass, says he is not prepared to name his sources but says the intelligence is very detailed.

‘It seems terrorists have recruited slim attractive Scandinavian women between 18 and 25 with long blonde hair.’ he says. ‘Information like this cannot be ignored. Imagine how I would feel if an airliner was blown up because I hadn’t thoroughly inspected a young woman’s underwear’

Whilst he dismisses suggestions that the underwear of men of middle eastern descent be checked as ‘racism and lazy ethnic stereotyping’ he is keen to emphasise that the intelligence he receives is updated constantly and if the suspects profile changes then he has to be ready to act.

‘It could be that I receive a call saying that a tall, dusky, brunette with beautiful olive skin and deep brown eyes is going to be used to smuggle one of these devices on board. If I get that call just as a lady meeting that description passes through my security hall then it will fall on me, as the man ultimately responsible for airline security, to rush down, apprehend her and establish to my satisfaction that she is not a terrorist.’

‘Of course the easiest way for a woman to pass through security is totally naked’, he says with a laugh, before adding, ‘Seriously, if women wanted to do that it would be fine with me’.

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Posted: May 8th, 2012 by

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