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Bin Laden papers show a man ‘persuaded that America is best’

Health care proposals 'brilliant', says dead terroristNewly released papers from Osama Bin Laden’s hideout reveal a leader living in fear of the ‘mad skillz’ of the US Navy SEALs and struggling to control an unruly network, the US military says.

More than 6,000 documents were seized during the Abbottabad raid in which Bin Laden was killed, and the 17 that have been released include a detailed description of Bin Laden’s thoughts before, during and after the raid.

‘Heard a rumour that the awesome US of A may have discovered the location of my mega-top-secret hideout and are sending some real bad-ass SEALs to come get me’ reveal the documents. ‘I hope it’s not true, those dudes have mad skillz. Me and my terrorist buddies are just wusses and lamers.’

Researchers at the US military academy believe that the distinct differences in handwriting in the entries leading up to, and shortly after his death, show just how much Bin Laden was affected by his fear, and by the large bullet hole in his brain.

The documents also show that his dedication to recording his exact thoughts and grudging admiration for the US meant he carried on writing until the very last moment. ‘The SEALs are here! The SEALs are here! I just crapped my cowardly terrorist pants’, reads an entry from the Al-Qaeda leader’s personal diary. ‘Also, I have quite a small penis.’

Bin Laden’s writing gives a disturbing insight into the final moments of a fanatic, as well as the following months after his death. ‘Curse those handsome devils, their outstanding training and dedication to creating world peace. Aaaargghhh, I’ve been shot in head!’, reads one of the later entries. ‘Looks like this is the end for me, 1-0 to the good guys.’

Seclusion may have caused Bin Laden to re-examine his political views. ‘I would definitely vote for Obama in the upcoming presidential elections’, the deceased terrorist concludes. But there are also signs that he has accepted his fate: ‘it’s just a shame that dead terrorists don’t have the vote.’

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Posted: May 10th, 2012 by Vertically Challenged Giant

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