Empire switches mobile contract to O2 amid Jedi bias allegations

stormtrooper on phone

Darth Vader the Dark Lord of the Sith today confirmed that the Imperial Empire have decided to switch their mobile operator from Vodafone to O2 after the company showed allegiance to the Jedi with a series of marketing campaigns and a special Jedi Tariff that includes 500 Cross Galaxy minutes.

Lord Vader, previously known as Anakin Skywalker said in a statement ‘I was OK with Yoda doing the advertisements, hell I do a lot of voice over work myself but when Emperor Palpatine found out about the tariff he was pretty pissed off. He summoned me before him and demanded to know why they were getting special treatment when his data allowance is so small he goes over it every time he plays Draw Something against Obe-Wan Kenobe.’

Despite this he was willing to give them another chance ‘until I received an email from our account manager advising that they were changing the company name to Yodafone that was the last straw, I knew they had gone over to the light side.’

The Supreme commander was unable to go into specifics of the pricing of the deal with O2 but dropped a few hints about a possible limited edition Boba Fett IPhone for all the Sith Lord and free calls to Tattoine in the evening and on weekends.

When asked whether it was true that he had agreed to have a number of mobile phone masts erected on the Death Star he waved his hand in front of his face and said “You do not need to know that” but later that night he tweeted ‘Emps is going into one about the big fuck off mast lol’ .

This latest revelation follows rumours that the Empire is desperately short of cash. A leaked financial report revealed that their whole fleet of Star Destroyers are rented and the Imperial Stormtroopers are facing a pay freeze for the third light year running but despite this the Dark Side are adamant they would not consider forming a coalition with the rebel alliance. They dismissed the idea saying that anyone who thinks it could work belongs in an institution far far away.


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Posted: May 12th, 2012 by

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