Streatham man’s Corsa and bangin’ sound system deployed in Olympic terror fight

Streatham resident, Steve Gresham has declared himself ‘well chuffed’ but also ‘a bit gutted’ that his ’51 plated Vauxhall Corsa Sport is to be used by the MoD as a sonic weapon to deter terrorist activity during the Olympics.

‘I was with me mates banging out some old skool, hardcore tunes in the Asda car park when these two posh blokes knocked on me mirrored windscreen and started asking me these well creepy question’ explained the unemployed Gresham (23), speaking from his parents’ 18th floor flat.

‘I don’t need telling that since I put in a new kicker amp, sub-woofers and 18 inch woofers at 2000 watts a piece, I know I’ve got one of the best sound systems in South London. It’s nice they respect me for that. But now these MoD boffins say they need my car for the Olympics. Fair enough, it’s national security an’ all that – they’ve got a bunch of olympic heats to worry about. But what about my Olympic heat – that’s my passion wagon they’re borrowing bruv!’

The Corsa is believed to be a last minute replacement for the MoD’s own anti-terrorist sonic weaponry  ‘Project Twisted Firestarter.’ The multi-billion dollar collaboration between the Ministries of Defence and Sound is now running an estimated three years behind schedule and fifteen years behind musical trends. A last-minute replacement: a multi-frequency dubstep and grime ‘audio-canon’ was also shelved after the newly-procured MoD 8-track cartridge sound system kept disintegrating.

Mandy Lifeboats

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Posted: May 14th, 2012 by

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