BBC confirms plan to move all men’s programmes to Dave
The BBC has confirmed that it no longer intends to show programmes that appeal directly to men on BBC One or BBC Two, and will transfer any show with a glimmer of masculinity straight to rival channel ‘Dave’.
With male viewing figures falling as low as 8 during recent episodes of ‘The Voice’, the BBC hopes to free up their flagship channels for similarly uninclusive programmes.
Viewers shouldn’t notice much of an increase in repeats, as shows about ‘Wearing Clothes’, ‘Making Cooking Seem More Complicated Than Necessary’ or ‘Slagging Off That Bitch Sandra Behind Her Back’ are surprisingly cheap to make.
‘For too long, we’ve made programmes that some men can just about manage to sit through’, confirmed Director of Venusian Transmissions Deborah Tankard. ‘By removing any possibility of there being something on next that they might enjoy, there’s hope that we can banish them to a portable radio in the shed indefinitely’, she explained.
Trials into showing no Premiership matches and hardly any Formula 1 have been successful, and Tankard hopes to eventually isolate sport entirely to Radio 5 Live.
The BBC will continue to fill its schedule with programmes that can only be enjoyed by children, most of them presented by Richard Hammond, Nicky Campbell or Jeremy Vine. ‘As a public service broadcaster, we should do exactly what we want, and then give you the silent treatment, if you dare to bring it up’, said Tankard. ‘Trust me, it’s an important lesson for any man to learn.’
With the majority of men now terrified that looking at cars or football makes them sexist or a bigot, Tankard believes she is winning her argument using ‘hearts and mindgames’. Meanwhile, Sky has reported record viewing figures for their latest TV series, which depicts rednecks shooting alligators at strippers while they sup bourbon through a jet engine.Click to send this story to a friend
Posted: May 16th, 2012 by waylandsmithy
Click for more stories about: Arts/Entertainment