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Di Matteo’s ‘bunch of pansies’ takes top honour at Chelsea flower show

40 years of buying up tulip bulbs finally paying offHot on the heels of their Champions League success, the lads from Chelsea FC have once again opened their gardens to members of the public for their annual display of horticultural excellence.

The show is now into its tenth year after being founded in 2002 by former coaches Ray Wilkins and Dennis Wise, whose life-long interest horticulture began when he raided the Blue Peter garden and overturned pots he considered ‘basic, ill-thought out, pandering to the masses and a bit patronising’. From such humble beginnings, the event has flourished with 85% of first team players now entering the competition in the hope of taking home the coveted ‘Golden Hoe’.

Among this year’s most anticipated attractions are Saloman Kalou’s ‘Trimmed Bush’ and Petr Cech’s ‘Bonsai Rainforest’, which has been described by Alan Titchmarsh as ‘small and wet’. Following last year’s warm reception, Ashley Cole is once again displaying his favourite potato.

Didier Drogba had been many people’s tip for the title, but whenever an official looked in the direction of his garden his sunflowers inexplicably fell over. Another bookie’s favourite, John Terry, was excluded from the competition after it was claimed he made an ‘inappropriate’ remark about a spade.

In a surprise twist, it was manager Roberto Di Matteo who ultimately scooped the top prize with his satirical piece ‘A Bunch of pansies’, although previous boss Andre Villas-Boas is considering lodging an appeal on the grounds that it was actually he who sowed the seeds for Di Matteo’s success ‘…only for that thieving bastard to come in and steal the glory.’

In any case, the trophy will be presented to John Terry.

Grumblechops

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Posted: May 23rd, 2012 by Guest

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