Gaffe-free Jubilee lunch ‘a royal disappointment’

The Queen is said to be ‘miffed’ that Prince Philip failed to provide the expected entertainment at the Diamond Jubilee lunch after she had assembled the perfect group of royals from across the globe, so setting up the perfect opportunity for at least one monumental gaffe.

Things initially looked promising as the King of Swaziland picked up a banana, but Prince Philip merely asked if he had had a pleasant journey. Flabbergasted, Her Majesty then asked the Chinese representative if he had something in his eye, at which Philip observed, ‘the lights are very bright in here, one has to be careful.’

Normal service was expected to be resumed as a busty waitress leant over Prince Philip to deliver a chocolate dessert in the shape of a penis. However, Philip merely admired the ‘wonderful lighthouse’ design and upon being told that the waitress was also an exotic dancer, opined how good that was for one’s cardio-vascular system, and that Andrew had been at it for years.

Increasingly desperate, the Queen loudly remarked how cold it was while standing next to the Emperor of Japan, only for the Duke to say: ‘yes there is a bite in the air,’ at which point Her Majesty was heard to mutter something about that being her ‘best shot’, that she ‘could do no more’ and asking rhetorically ‘what a monarch had to do round here, jeez,’ before retiring.


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Posted: May 24th, 2012 by

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