Roy Hodgson yesterday learned that Frank Lampard had become the latest England player too embarrassed to play for his country at this summer’s European Championships. He joins a growing list of players who have developed mystery ailments in a bid to retain what little dignity they have rather than face humiliation in Poland and Ukraine.
Wayne Rooney is already ruled out of the first three England games after picking up a ban, but team insiders have suggested he plans to get injured so he can also miss England’s fourth, and probably last, game of the tournament. ‘Wazza has said he would try and get signed off before having to play again. He thinks he may have conveniently caught the menopause during a recent affair.’
However, it is not all bad news. Following a recent Panorama programme highlighting the likelihood of racism at the tournament, John Terry appears keener than ever to play. ‘I told Roy Hodgson that I was concerned about the crowds in Ukraine, but he quickly reassured me. He said ‘Tewwy, the cwowd be all white’.’