As a novel alternative to any further bailout loans to Spain, German Chancellor Angela Merkel has announced that every Spanish citizen has been offered a spare room in a German household. But only until they sort their shit out, she stressed.
The Chancellor herself will be putting up Spanish PM Mariano Rajoy in her Berlin apartments. ‘I had promised my husband, Joachim, that he could have a plasma screen and a La-Z-Boy in that room to watch the football, but he has accepted that we all have to make sacrifices in these difficult times.’
Hamburg resident Adele Weber had turned her spare room into a mini-gym since the children left for university. ‘Well, it’s not ideal is it?’ she said. ‘They need to start looking after their money better. We’ve all got to do our bit though, haven’t we? But I’ll say this, they’d better not start treating the place like a hotel. If they eat, they replace it. And I don’t mind putting some of their washing in if I’m doing a load, but I won’t be doing any ironing I can assure you.’
Spain’s Minister of the Economy Luis de Guindos said this of the arrangement: ‘Ah mate! They’re, like, total life-savers. We just need a couple of weeks to chill and get our heads on straight and we’ll be all over that deficit reduction.’
Despite the upbeat tone to her statement, the Chancellor concluded with a word of more somber advice. ‘The German people are by nature very generous, but we won’t keep getting taken for granted. People think of the Picasso painting when they are reminded of Guernica now; but Spain should remember, we aren’t shy of giving out some tough love when we need to.’