A teacher in South London has been suspended after pupils left a class with more knowledge than they went in with. The headteacher has condemned the poor judgement of the experienced member of the teaching staff in allowing pupils to remain engaged and ‘learn so-called lessons’.
The class was asked to vote on whether they wanted to learn how to improve their chances of getting a job after school or piss around for an hour and watch YouTube videos of cats on skateboards in sunglasses. Despite a unanimous 30-0 vote in favour of the latter, the teacher unaccountably chose to deliver an inspiring lesson in life, leaving students ‘approaching learning with a whole new outlook’.
Government policy states that students must not be allowed to attain ‘a level of intelligence that makes them aware of the serious shortcomings of the previous, current or future Governments.’ Education Secretary Michael Gove has issued guidance to teachers to help them identify this dangerous level of knowledge, so from September 2013 no child will be taught anything more complicated than 1+1=2, except for an improving selection of tedious Victorian poetry.