Mobsters bemoan new EU ‘opt-in assassination’ clause

Mobsters, hit-men, and serial assassins have joined forces to condemn new European Union regulations which prohibit any persons that have a ‘beef with the boss’ being ‘checked into the wooden Waldorf’ unless they have given their express written permission in triplicate first.

With fines of up to 400 euros for repeat offenders, professional killers are claiming the added bureaucracy needed will blunt their effectiveness in flouting the law.  ‘First, we have to visit the client, explain that we would like to put them on our list and the reasons why’ explained Mario, a retribution consultant from Palermo ‘Even if they choose to accept, they still have a 28-day cooling off period and I don’t mean at the bottom of the Tiber in a pair of brightly coloured concrete Campers. I know they call this ‘organised crime’ but I always expected to be buried with the fishes, not in paperwork.’

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2012 by

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