British voters have forced the leader of the British National Party Nick Griffin out of the country after electing him as a member of the European Parliament as a wind up. ‘Now they’re saying they want me to go and work with hundreds of disgusting foreigners’ Griffin whined.
In his victory speech, the tearful BNP leader complained that his so-called supporters ‘didn’t care about his feelings’ and admitted that he hadn’t really thought it through. ‘Don’t make me go and sit with those smelly Europeans’ he pleaded. ‘They’ll speak to me in their funny languages and make me eat hummous and garlic and all that. I don’t know what I was thinking.’
However Mr Griffin has hinted that he might refuse to serve in Strasbourg. ‘It’s an infringement of my human rights,’ he declared. ‘I don’t even agree with the European Union so I’ve already spoken to my lawyers and we’re taking this to the European Court of Human Rights.’
The plan to send the BNP leader into exile was hatched on an internet chat room, where bloggers conspired to lobby the far-right leader to stand as an MEP, and then persuaded thousands of liberals to vote for him in the hope that the xenophobe might be surrounded by foreigners for the next five years. The joke worked better than any of them dared hope, with a second BNP representative being elected in Yorkshire. The campaigners are now demanding that the government refuse them re-admission to the United Kingdom, following the precedent of an earlier far-right European politician who was turned around at Heathrow Airport. Griffin has asked that the BNP’s policy idea of voluntary repatriation be extended to far-right MEPs who have been forced to live abroad due to circumstances beyond their control.
The BNP have said that they will continue to campaign for the deportation of all Britons of immigrant stock which unfortunately includes the entire BNP membership, and everybody else in the United Kingdom, except one rather strange looking man from a village in Shropshire.
Story by The Paper Ostrich with additions by Genghis and Red – and thanks to all who made suggestions especially Stan Laurel
9th June 2009