The British Olympic Association (BOA) has radically overhauled its selection policy after criticism of its decision to exclude David Beckham from the GB Olympic football team.
‘Now we’ll be selecting on contribution to the Olympic bid rather than on sporting ability,’ explained BOA spokesman Darryl Seibel. ‘So Beckham will now be in the team instead of Ryan Giggs who did bugger all to help the bid.
‘As we haven’t thanked Lord Coe for leading the bid, he’s now going to compete in the men’s 1,500 metres. Prince William will captain the beach volleyball team and we look forward to Tessa Jowell winning on the asymmetric bars with Boris Johnson being crowned champion in the Greco-Roman wrestling.’
Gloucester pensioner Albert Stokes expressed some surprise at being selected in place of Tom Daley.
‘Although I did put a ‘Back the Bid’ sticker on my cardigan for a couple of weeks,’ he told reporters.
‘I may be getting on a bit,’ he said, ‘but as long as they can fit a stairlift to get me up to the top of that diving board, I think I’ll do Team GB proud.’